this is twenty seven

Upon sitting down to write this post, I couldn’t help but take a peek back at some of my previous birthday posts. I have such vivid memories for all of them to to date. Like my 23rd birthday shoot in this beautiful Milly orange bell sleeved dress (rented of course). I met my friend (and photographer) Dani at a ballet studio (fun fact!) in Mountain View (wow, remember when I used to live in San Francisco?). Or, how about for my 24th birthday, when I met up with Dani again to shoot at Filoli Historic House & Garden (C drove us since it was a little further outside San Francisco than I had expected).

This year, as you can likely already tell from the photos, is quite different. With everything going on (I know I don’t need to belabor that here), it just didn't feel fitting. I like to think of these posts particularly as being emblematic of the times (and myself, of course). So I decided I’d try something a little different this year —shoot my birthday photos solo. What could be more honest? 

I sit here, writing this post, amongst half packed boxes, taken down picture frames, and piles of books as I gear up for my move on Sunday. I decided to shoot solo against the background of my apartment, where, if I’m being quite frank, is where I spent the majority (and for some, all) of my days this past year. It’s for the same reason that I picked up shooting solo this year. When we first went into lockdown in NYC back in March, I learned how to shoot myself with a self timer and a tripod. I learned how to play around with aperture shutter speed and ISO, while also timing my creative time around the sun’s schedule. And while I’ve still got loads of learning to do, it feels like quite an accomplishment to have learned this new skill, one that I probably wouldn’t have picked up otherwise. I also kind of like that I can already see improvements in my work, from when I first started shooting solo. Another year wiser, huh?

And that’s how much of 26 went. Like many of you, this past year nothing went as expected: a global pandemic, losing my grandfather so quickly to this virus, my dream job offer being put on hold for 4 months, the list goes on—none of it was at all how I planned.

To be quite honest, even though 26 was incredibly challenging, it was a defining year; a year that honestly won’t be forgotten. I won’t lie, there, of course, are moments that I wish we could take back or do over. But that’s not how life works is it? 26 has taught me quite a lot of things but, most of all, it’s taught me what I’m capable of-- what’s inside of me. And, I know moving forward that I have that strength within me that I will need to overcome even bigger obstacles that come my way. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention C here. For so much of this time, it was just the two of us in my West Village apartment. And well, let’s just say, after all that time together I’m still excited to move in with him. C, for all those moments that literally felt like my world was falling apart, thank you. Truly, don’t know what I’d have done without you.

So while this birthday does look different--no big dinner at a fabulous restaurant with my closest group of girlfriends, no big party at my apartment, bringing all my friends from all parts of my life together, it doesn’t mean I’m any less loved. It just means we’ll have to ring in 28 with an even bigger bang—and yes, even more sparkle!

Dress: Ronny Kobo (via Rent the Runway)// Earrings: Mejuri (gifted)//Necklace: vintage, passed down from Grandma// Bracelet (chained): Banana Republic