reflections on 2020
In searching for how to start this post, I spent some time re-reading my past New Years posts. Funnily enough- some start with how fast the year has passed while others note quite the opposite. I don't know exactly how to classify 2020 because for me time has been more of an illusion than anything else. On one hand, the days sometimes blend together, and I can’t remember if things happened in May or August [my camera roll is the new source of truth] and on the other hand it feels surreal to look back on a whole year where so much (but also so little?) has happened. I also realize that in typical NYE fashion, I’m usually donning a black get up for this post, but nothing about 2020 was typical, and I think we deserve this Carolina Herrera moment. I mean what bigger and better energy to kick off 2021. So this beautiful, dreamy, white gown will have to do. And I have to thank my resident West Village neighbor and, of course, style inspo Krystal Bick for letting me play dress up in this gem. [If you don’t follow her already, do yourself a favor and do so now.]
I certainly didn’t intend for my next post here to be the last post of 2020. It’s been so long since we last spoke. In fact, I've been trying to sit down to write a post for quite some time. And each time that I tried I got a little closer, but I couldn’t quite get it all the way over the finish line. Something about spending all of my hours in front of a computer, from Zoom to Zoom [the Zoomiverse to quote my manager], made it that much harder to commit to spending even more hours in front of a screen. Personally, simple things, like texting or even keeping up on Instagram, take more energy than they usually do.
I know for each of us 2020 has been filled with its own challenges- personal, professional, financial, emotional, mental- maybe even all of the above. I always try my best to be open and honest with you all in this space by sharing both my highs and my lows, like when my grandmother passed away earlier this year and not long after my grandfather. Many of you also know that I decided to leave Google back in February to wholeheartedly pursue my childhood dream of working in fashion. Little did I know that a global pandemic was coming-one that uprooted our economy, the job market, and the retail industry. As a result, all of the job prospects I had seemingly vanished or were on hold.
In my heart of hearts, I knew that I was heading in the right direction and despite the external headlines, my loved ones’ fears, and my own fears quite frankly, I knew I had to stick this one out for me. [I must acknowledge that I was fortunate enough to have the means to support myself during this period of time.] It’s now been almost 6 months [wow, in so many ways it feels surreal to write that] since I started my new role on the product marketing team at Rent the Runway [yes, the very same brand that powers so many of my favorites looks here]. Talk about dream come true.
So the road here, to this exact moment, wasn’t easy or predictable or straight, but I finally made it. And to be honest, not all of this years’ challenges had to be that drastic. Things as simple as learning how to re-create a routine [that commute to work where you’d listen to your favorite podcast or that ClassPass dance class after work] are now gone. [This list goes on and on, but I won’t because i know you know it intimately.]
If 2020 has taught me anything it is this - we’re a lot stronger than we think we are. I remember during my last therapy session in San Francisco before moving to New York, my therapist said to me that I now have the tools to navigate other life challenges that will arise in the future. And I remember jokingly responding asking for no more difficulties [it feels almost comical to write that now]. As if that was my final exam, and I had passed the course of life with flying colors. My newfound perspective is that there will always be a challenge, big or small, that we're trying to overcome--always. However, it is how we react to them and move past them that define us. And in the interim [which effectively is always], we need to enjoy what we have now, in the moment, instead of living in anticipation of what we want or expect to come next. 2020 made it abundantly clear that we never know how long we’’ll be able to hold on to what we currently have or what’s coming next.
I feel like it would be dishonest, and frankly unrealistic, for me to close hoping that 2021 will be a cakewalk. But here’s what I can say- I do hope 2021 is filled with relief, healing, and much more sparkle; you can never go wrong with a little sparkle.
Dress: Carolina Herrera ( borrowed from Krystal Bick who scored her at a sample sale)
