one year later: musings in my mind

Like many of you I'm sure, I’ve read countless articles over the past months and weeks in search of answers, and if I’m being really honest, validation. Sometimes I find I can’t even identify what it is I’m feeling much less why, and others’ writing have really been a gateway in helping me understand my inner thoughts. [Writing here and journaling does this for me as well.] I mean, there are a myriad of thoughts running through my head at any given time: how are others fairing? Is it just me who feels like they’ve just had it? Is this over yet? That, and, of course, the million and one other daydreams I have of life on the other side of this.

One article that I read back in January that really resonated with me was this one. I remember I was so excited for the new year, the chance at leaving 2020 behind us and ushering in a new administration (thank god!), but what followed in so many ways was more of the same. With COVID cases on the rise, it felt like that thing I  was in search of, “something new,” was really just more of the same, in the short term at least. Fast forward to last week, where I hit another wall. I was feeling just ...wiped- emotionally drained, and I couldn’t really figure out why. I mean there was nothing truly out of the ordinary that happened  last week in comparison to any of the weeks prior.

And then I stumbled across this article that had me nodding along in front of my computer. That made me feel less alone and, frankly, just not crazy.  For many of us in New York City, last week marked one year since life as we knew it came to a screeching halt. A life where we carefreely grabbed a bite to eat at our favorite west village restaurant, or squeezed onto that next downtown F train with no real regard for personal space, or just made plans to meet up with friends spontaneously (ugh wow, remember spontaneity?). I mean, just look at these photos- the idea of being in Grand Central maskless with all of these strangers around me. It quite literally looks like something from a different era.

For many of us, last week last year was when it all changed. And while murmurings of what the impending change to come could look like spread, it also brought about all of these questions - should we load up on groceries? Is this really 6 feet? It just seemed truly unimaginable to believe that NYC could shut down. After all, we are the city that never sleeps. 

Now that I’ve had some distance away from last week. I’ve realized that the one year anniversary alongside the uncharacteristically warm weather made it feel like we were making such progress--like we were entering a new season if you will. And in many ways, we are! Vaccines are rolling out. Cases are on the decline, and we are making true tactical progress. But of course in many ways, again, we’re not totally there yet. I’m still working remotely with a team that I’ve never met IRL, many of my favorite hobbies -broadway musicals and plays, international travel, I still can’t do (or do in the way I would like). I think it just all became abundantly clear to me that a full year has truly passed, and we still, yes, haven't quite overcome this pandemic.

Whilst we can never forget 2020 and all that we’ve learned during this time, I am surely looking forward to brighter days. I’m ready to step into a new season-- all dressed up with everywhere to go!

Dress: Halston (via Rent the Runway)//Shoes: Cole Haan

Photos by: Diana Davis in January 2020