real talk: life is so real.

I’ve been having this conversation over and over again- with friends over dinner, on the phone, during photo shoots, over text, really just about everywhere. And the more and more I talk about it, I learn a little bit more about myself and my friends and their perspectives and experiences, which in turn gets me thinking even more about myself and my experiences.

I’ve been hinting a lot recently on IG about this as well (whether it’s on Stories or here), but I think I’m now ready to flesh this convo out and give it the space I think it deserves. I also want to continue making sure that this space as honest and transparent as possible. Sure, I love sharing my high moments, but I also think it’s important to share the low moments too. If not only for the fact that it’s what is accurate, but also, as I’m learning, it’s in these moments that test you that you learn and grow. These moments influence who we are and who we are becoming.

So what are you talking about, Ro? Recently, as I’m catching up with friends, and they ask some version of “How are you?”, the default canned response “I’m good” doesn’t really fit [not that it’s ever really the most accurate answer, but particularly not now]. And so, I’ve been saying some version of my own response which is: “Life’s life” or “Life is real.” As I’ve been ruminating on this, I kept thinking to myself why does this experience feel different. I mean, it’s not like life hasn’t been real before [enter my SF experience]. Rather, it’s more that if anything similar to where I was in that phase of my life were to repeat itself, I’d know exactly the steps I needed to take to at least alleviate the situation. But in this case, I’m entering uncharted territory. So there’s no past experience to call on to help navigate what’s happening now.

So here goes--

My grandmother has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and over the past 6 months I have seen not only my mother, but my aunts, uncles, and cousins all step up to come together and take care of her in this trying time. Morning hospital visits, overnight trips, late night hospital visits, Thanksgiving Day hospital visits...you name it, we’ve done it. I’ve never really had experiences with a sick or aging relative in such a proximate way, so this has all been quite a journey for me [as I know it has been for the rest of my family]. Most recently, my grandmother has returned home after an almost 2 week stay in the hospital, and at this point our family is focusing on her day to day well-being as opposed to treatments.

In the same vein, as many of you likely saw on Stories this weekend [again, trying to keep things transparent], I recently attended a memorial service for a teacher from my middle school/high school community. Not only was she a beloved teacher and mentor in our community for 30 years, but she was also a mother of two, one of whom is in my graduating class and in my high school friend group. And I think it’s that last part that makes it harder to grapple with because it’s that much more proximate.

I say all of that to say, what I’m starting to realize is that at some point in life there will always be a new challenge. There will always be other mountains to climb [new milestones, life events, people coming, people going, the list goes on], and you’ll learn how to climb that mountain, well, as you climb it. There isn’t necessarily a handbook that can tell you how to navigate these situations, you have to learn it for yourself. Perhaps  I’m not saying anything revolutionary to you here, but for me I’m literally just realizing this. All the experiences and lessons that have gotten me to this point, well, did exactly that, but there is so much more to...learn [and it may or may not be completely unrelated to what came before.]

And that’s life. Life is so real. It’s this winding crazy journey and no one really knows how to “win”, but we do our best. So that’s exactly what I’m doing- doing the best I can.